FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!

Nadia is NOT listening to me AT ALL today.

Sami REFUSES to go on the potty.

And Samirah won't let me put her down.

that is all.

Christmas!

Merry Christmas

I hope you all had a lovely holiday!! Our Christmas was nice. The kids got all they hoped for and then some. And we even went through the playroom and donated 12 garbage bags filled with old toys, in addition to some that were just too big to fit into the bags. I was surprised at how anxious Nadia was to give! She gave up some of her very beloved toys to kids who have less. I"m proud of her for that.

She really embraced the true meaning of the season. To give. I hope I'm raising caring little citizens. In our everyday life it's hard to tell. My kids are fairly spoiled at times, though I'm trying to work on that!! But it's nice to know she does the right thing when it counts.

So our holiday was nice.. Calm.. Samirah got sick though.. She was in the ER on Christmas night with breathing troubles. She's on the mend and doing fairly well now. Not 100%, but doing better for sure..

So.. Does anyone have big plans for New Years Eve? We will likely just go out for dinner and come home to watch TV... Husam's twin normally comes with us, but not sure if he'll be joining us this year.. We'll see..

Is anyone going to be in NYC to see the ball drop??? As close as we live (And have lived) to NYC we've NEVER went in for NYE.. I just can't imagine it! The city is crowded and congested on the most normal of days... And I hate crowds.. So I can't imagine being there on NYE.. I'd likely have some type of panic attack ! ! I'm not such a "city" person. Hence why we moved out here into the country.. Although I'm not sure I'm a "country" person either... Maybe suburbs? Ha! No matter...

Annnnyways... that's all that's going on here. Nothing major or exciting happening, but if anything does pop up I'll be sure to let everyone know!

Back and "Fourth"

Literally. I go back and forth constantly about adding a Fourth baby to the family... Most days I feel like I could handle it.. But as I've mentioned in previous posts I'll have one of those days and think that 4 would overwhelm me..

The thought of never being pregnant again, never giving birth, never having a newborn, or nursing, or watching another baby grow makes me incredibly sad. Almost unbearably sad... And I wonder if that alone means I truly do want another. Or if I'll feel that way no matter how many children I have. How does a person ever really know they are "done" anyways?

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE being pregnant. Even through morning sickness, aches, pain, lethargy, constipation. All of it. I LOVE pregnancy. The joy of the miracle outweighs any of the discomforts. It's such an amazing experience and I can't imagine not going through it at least one more time. At the same time.. I don't want to take away from the three beautiful babies I do have. They need me so much and sometimes I Think it wouldn't be fair to add an addition and take away some of their attention.

I do try to make sure they all have individual time with me everyday- and I have a good system worked out for us. *sighs* I don't know. I suppose I have plenty of time to decide this. That's what Husam tells me. I'm only 27 and Samirah is only 11 months.

Just venting out some feelings!

Being Thankful...

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking things for granted.. I have so much.. that I wonder, do I sometimes take the little things for granted?? I am sure I do.. I try not to, but sometimes I just don't think of it...

I have a roof over my head when so many people have no home. They worry where they will spend the night..

We have a fridge full of food. How many times have I wandered into the kitchen and stomped around exclaiming "There is nothing to eat!" When in reality I don't know what starving or "having nothing to eat" truly means. There are children who ARE truly starving.. Families who worry where their next meal will come from... I try not to take this for granted. I donate to food banks and drives. Whenever Nadia's school is asking for food donations , I'm more than happy to put in more than they ask for. Because God is good to us. We have so much.

My Children. God help me if I ever take them for granted. They are one gift who I truly try to appreciate for all they are. I realize there are people who are not able to have children for one reason or another. And God has blessed us with three beautiful, healthy, smart little ones. He trusted us to raise them up. I often feel guilty, like why me? Why not someone else who would also be a good mother, and love them. That I just don't understand. But I know I must never take for granted that I have been blessed with those babies. Even in my most frustrated moment as a mother I still drop to my knees and thank God for them. The most amazing people I've met. My wonderful, wonderful children. Thank you God. Thank you for my babies..

*sighs* I don't know what to take from this. Just a reminder.. Be thankful. Because there are others not as fortunate as you. There are those without shelter, food, or freedom....

Emotional MESS!

Sometimes I seriously hate nursing hormones. They make me a crazy woman! I swear! Ugh. They make me overly emotional and irrational! I don't know if this is intensified because I'm nursing two at once, or what. That's what I tell myself to make me feel better. Hmph.

Direct TV was supposed to come install today. They couldn't find a signal because we live on this God forsaken mountain! (Have I mentioned how badly I want to sell our house!?) So therefore there is no other option but to deal with the crappy over priced cable we have. Since NOTHING else comes up here. No optimum, no fios, nada. Just crappy 100 a month cable for nothing tv. That has added to my frustrations today. But I suppose I shouldn't sweat the small stuff?

*sighs*

Nothing else new really going on here...

Anyways.. I'll be back with something useful to say soon.
Hopefully.

We're back!

We are back from Disney! Exhausted but we had an AWESOME time!! The kids LOVED it. Esp. Sami... It was just great. When I'm not so tired I'll update with more... Pictures and all that jazz. But I'll leave you with this shot from our character breakfast with Pooh and friends!

Disney or Bust!

I'll be out of Commish for awhile! We leave for Disney for 10 days in just a few short hours!! The kids are beyond psyched (Though I got them to sleep at 5:30 pm for the early wake up call with no issues) and hubby and I are too excited to sleep!!

At any rate- that's where I'll be- I hope you all have a very very happy and blessed Thanksgiving!

Then and Now.

Yesterday, my baby turned FIVE YEARS OLD! I truly cannot believe it.. Where did the five years go? My tiniest baby.. Now my biggest girl! I remember her birth like it was yesterday. I remember touching her head for the first time and it felt so warm. I remember looking at her and thinking how beautiful she was! She made me a mother. My special girl. She is so smart, funny, and loving. She's a natural leader and likes to take charge of most any situation. God bless her.

We celebrated her all weekend and she enjoyed it. I am bittersweet at birthdays. I love watching my children grow.. I am so blessed to be able to do so.. But I get twinges of sadness that they will not be babies forever.. That I won't be able to protect them from this great big world forever. And each milestone... each birthday, is a reminder that they are growing closer and closer to independence. *sighs*

I must not think too far ahead...
For now...

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY NADIA HUSAM! My beautiful beautiful baby girl. I love you more than you will ever imagine. My heart bursts with love for you!!!!!

My parents always told me...

If you want to keep your friends, Don't discuss politics or Religion with them. So as a general rule, I don't. But guess what everyone! Today- I'm going there!! This post shouldn't offend anyone. It's certainly not meant too.. It's just my beliefs.. I don't care what anyone else believes. Weather you be Christian, Muslim, Jew, or anything else on the spectrum of beliefs. If you are happy and not hurting anyone, Then you do you! I'm okay with that. I love you! I accept you! I appreciate you! You don't have to agree with me, or share my beliefs to be my friend. If your a good person and treat others with kindness- I think the world of you.

SO! Here we go!

I grew up in the Episcopal church. That's where I was baptized, that's where I did Sunday school (Every Sunday, oh yea!) etc. etc. You get the idea. My parents weren't extreme in Religion.. But they wanted us to have a backround in God and believe in Him. I do so appreciate that as I Feel we all do need to start somewhere with our relationship with God.

When I met my husband, who is Muslim, I explored that religion (Which, when practiced in it's true form is truly a beautiful lovely religion of peace) I have many dear friends in addition to my husband who are Muslims, and are all wonderful, loving people!

My problem with all major Religions was the dogma. The hellfire and dammnation for every small thing you may do! It was overwhelming, and scary (esp as a small child) And even now, I just have a hard time with that. Don't all holy books, all prophets, Jesus, etc. Speak of a LOVING, FORGIVING, MERCIFUL God??? Then how could this be the same God who is ready to damm you to hell for the smallest of infractions ... (We are after all human, I know I am no where near perfect and would never claim to be)

I started researching Gnostic beliefs and studying all religions in general. And I take from them my truths. That God IS there. That he is all loving, all knowing, merciful. That He can forgive where we can't imagine forgiveness, because we are human. And how could we ever? That we are his creations, and He loves us.

I'm not saying there isn't a place for the truly horrible people among us, but I do believe that even bad actions , bad things, have a purpose in this life, that maybe we just don't fully understand yet. I certainly don't have all of the answers. The fact of the matter is- None of us do. But I'm always searching for truth. And I just don't believe that a person is going to hell because they picked the wrong Religion to be a part of - No matter what that may be. Who are we to judge someone's choice? Who are we to tell someone they way they love God is wrong???

It's just mainstream Religions.. I don't know. I've seen people from every major religion kill in the name of God.. How can that be??? EVERY major Religion has done this. EVERY one. What gives any human the right to murder another, And in the name of our GOD no less. The One who created us, and loves us unconditionally. No matter what anyone says. I disagree there. We are all equal in God's eyes in my opinion. No one should take another's life.. The dogma of religion (The major ones anyways) is waht stops me from completely defining myself.

Do I celebrate Christmas, and Easter, and the like? Yes. You bet I do. That's what my traditions were growing up, and they are some of my happiest memories. I will always celebrate those wonderful days with my family. And my husband, who is Muslim, I also celebrate his holidays. Why wouldn't I? They are important to him, and therefore important to me. And I think any holiday that celebrates God and all his glory is truly wonderful.

So do not judge me for my beliefs. I won't judge you for yours. If we all have this attitude maybe we'd all get along a lot better in this world. And.. If you still really want to judge me.. that's okay. I know where I stand with God. I know He loves me. And I know He loves you too!!!

And if you don't believe in God, I love you anyways. That is your right and I don't judge anyone. Because like I said at the start- If your beliefs are not hurting anyone.. Then WHO CARES?! Certainly. Not. I!

Anonymous Comments.

I find them to be kind of lame (no offense) stand behind what you have to say! Or don't say it at all!!

And FTR I've disabled anonymous comments- If you have something to say- You'll have to man up and put a face to your words :-) Have a nice day!

It's that time of year!

The holidays are quickly approaching! For us it starts with Halloween... THen Husam's birthday on November 6th, Nadia's on the 14th, followed by Thanksgiving, then Christmas of course, New Years! And we end off with Meerkat's first birthday on January 15th!!!! Wow!

And this year we're going to Disney on Thanksgiving so our plate will be even more full.. *sigh*

I have a lot on my mind lately. Which makes it hard to blog.. Because I'm going in so many different directions.. Did you ever have SO MUCH to say... That you turn out having nothing to say?? That doesn't make sense. But that's what it is for me. It's too much going on. I can't clear my head enough to get out any good thoughts.

This is random and all over the place. But that's how I feel lately. So. You know.

One thing I will say is I'm looking forward to our Disney trip. Like you wouldn't believe. I can't wait to see the looks on my kids face when they see it all for the first time. I can't wait to feel their excitement.. It's like my first time going all over again!!! Two weeks from Thursday we leave! I can't believe it!!

Well.. ANyways.. Hopefully things in my life become more calm so I can string together something coherent and worth reading.

Take care!

Catching up with Nadia..

Mommy : So, now that your five, What's new?

Nadia: I'm not five now.. I'm not five Mommy!

Mommy: Well you almost are! So what's new?

Nadia: I'm almost five...

Mommy: Okay.. What's your favorite color?

Nadia: Pink and Purple and Red and Green

Mommy: What is my job?

Nadia: to take care of us

Mommy: What's Daddy's job?

Nadia: To go to work

Mommy: What's Sami's job?

Nadia: Going to bed

Mommy: What's Samirah's job?

Nadia: Pooping her pants.

Mommy: What's your job?

Nadia: Not doing bad things so sami doesn't copy me.

Mommy: What's the best thing about your family?

Nadia: Umm.. Loving them is important and being nice to them.

Mommy: What are you looking forward to doing?

Nadia : Well, I really like doing crafts and playing with my friends..

Mommy: Do you like school?

Nadia: Well . yea.

Mommy: What's the best part about school?

Nadia: Playing outside..

Mommy: what's your favorite thing to learn at school?

Nadia: I really really like to do art.

Mommy: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Nadia: A pony

Mommy: What do you think Sami will be when he grows up

Nadia: A dinosaur?? And Samirah is going to be a luv bug when she grows up!

Mommy: Do Mommy and Daddy love eachother?

Nadia: Yes.

Mommy: How do you know?

Nadia: Because you married him...


lol so thats' what's going on with the Ya!

Happy Halloween!

We had a very successful Halloween! If you ask the children it was a success because they got tons and tons of candy.. If you ask me or Husam, it was a success because we survived, there were no tantrums, and the kids were in bed by 7 no worse for wear!

As you can see from the pictures, Nadia was a my little pony, Sami was a dinosaur, and Samirah was a luv bug !! I had a bad day on Saturday , but seeing them all dolled up in their costumes brought a HUGE smile to my face! I was able to sit back and feel blessed for all I have.

Other than being cold here in NJ, it was a really nice day. The kids didn't even consume too much sugar ((shockingly)) Sami was too excited to actually get the treats he wasn't worried about eating them! "More Treats!" he would yell.. the only problem? I can't get him to take his costume off and he now thinks he will get treats every time we leave the house.. yea... we'll work on that! ha!

Other than that we're just preparing for Nadia's FIFTH birthday! (I know I can't believe it either!!!!) and DISNEY!!!!

THe kids are all running rampid so I have to go! Hopefully Ill make a better blog soon !

Bullets

• Nadia's Halloween party at school is today. I'm helping. I did the goodie bags.. Despite being really tired and feeling unmotivated I'm actually really excited about it. Must remember camera... Must remember camera..
• I'm going to attempt beautiful pictures of all the grandkids tomorrow as a gift for my inlaws.. Ages?? Well mine aged *almost* 5, 2 and a half, and 9 months. then my one SIL's aged 7 and 12 and then the my other SIL's aged 16 months... Yea... that should be... um.. interesting ... yea. ha!
• Sunday is HALLOWEEN! My kids are beyond excited. nadia's being a my little pony (Dont' ask the costume is scary) Sami's going to be a dinosaur *(surprise surprise)* and Meerkat's going to be a love bug. I was going to dress her as a Meerkat but decided against it. Oh well.
• Bought our Disney tickets! Can't believe it's almost time!
• Nadia's birthday is coming up. I Don't even know what to do since we leave for Disney so soon after. Maybe just a small family party..
• Anyways. That is all.
  

The great debate (in my head)

It's days like yesterday that make me say "Oh I'd LOOOOOVE a 4th child!" You know the day. All the kids are being good, kind, loving, etc. They are listening and even (gasp) doing what they're supposed to without even having to be told! It's those days that my head screams "oh come ON! You KNOW you want a 4th! Look how GOOD your kids are! You could SO do it!"

And then. There are days like TODAY! Where they are fighting with each other from the moment their eyes pop open! About. Ev.ry.thing! If your a Mom, or even been in the vicinity of small children. I'm sure your aware of "those days" ... Not as fun. But still rewarding. Especially when I make it through alive! However, it's THESE days where I think... Yea... 3 kids is plenty!!! Am I out of my mind for even THINKING of a 4th!?

Who knows what will happen. I love my kids so so much. They are my entire world. I don't make any choice without considering them first. They come first, and always will for the rest of my life. Will we have a 4th? I don't know. Depends on what day you ask!!!

I'm such a bad blogger.

I never used to be! I swear! I used to blog almost everyday. Sometimes more than once a day. I don't know what happened between then and now.. Maybe it's all the children I've had? Maybe I don't have as many interesting things to say? Maybe I just have less to rant about.. I'm not sure...

My mind is always going a million miles a minute too. So my blog is never consistent. I'm over here... then I'm over there! That's partly my personality though. It's just me. how I am..

And now... The holidays are quickly approaching.. Nadia's 5th birthday.. Our trip to Disney.. There is so much to do that I can barely think straight! And it's essential I spend most of my time keeping it together here. Because if I don't... Who will???

The kids are all doing well... Meerkat turns 1 in January. I can't believe it... I really can't. Where is the time going? i say that about all of the kids though.

I'm still on the fence about baby #4. But I am on birth control until we make some type of final decision.. Wonder if I'll ever really know for sure. I love birth, babies, and pregnancy so much.. I must repeat my mantra "Newborns turn into 2 year olds" ...

Anyways, I'll try to be a better blogger... I promise promise promise!

Checking in!

Been keeping super busy! Since it's the summertime the kids are wanting to be outside a lot and enjoy the beautiful weather while it lasts. I truly can't believe how quickly the summer is going by. I've been enjoying every minute of it with my three beautiful littles. Husam and I had the talk about the possibility of a 4th child. He wanted to revisit the subject in 5 years but I told him I do not want to wait that long if we do have a 4th. It would be much sooner than that. Not TOO soon, but definitely sooner than 5 years.Nadia- Doing GREAT! Her school uniform came in and she looks so darn cute in it! See!!!!
She's very excited to start Kindergarten. We have her orientation later this month, and I'm really looking forward to meeting her teachers and some of the other parents. Nadia works in her workbooks everyday and is doing great with her reading and writing. I'm so proud of her and I know she will do wonderfully in school! My little baby. I can't believe she's went and grown up on me!!!
Sami- Still my little man. I'm still tandem nursing and Sami, at 28 months shows no signs of stopping anytime soon. I'm okay with that but he can be a challenge because he's quite demanding, but I'm just trying to set boundries and stick to them. He's doing okay with it. i just let him know I'll always be here, and I'll always comfort and care for him. He's talking REALLY well now, it seems he learns new words every day! I'm also proud of him. He's so amazing.

Samirah is doing great! She's getting so big and she's adorable as ever!!! She's 7 months now (As of yesterday!) And she will be crawling any day. She gets up on her hands and knees and rocks, and even goes in reverse a little bit. She's such a dolly and I just love her up to peices!!! She is not on solid food yet, but we will maybe start next month!

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

http://www.promom.org/101/

Great article- 101 reasons to breastfeed.... I only need this one though. My beautiful children!!!
What's your #1 reason for breastfeeding?

So...

I've been meaning to post but.. Nadia and Sami have been at each other's throats the past two days! I don't know if it has to do with the rain and the fact we haven't been able to get out or what.. Maybe there is a full moon or something? Samirah's been super cranky which makes me question everything I know about Mommyhood, and Husam's also been extra crabby and more helpless than normal.

So. ***Sighs*** I haven't had enough time or energy to sit down and think of something funny, witty, or interesting to say. Do you forgive me?

Luckily, tomorrow should be nice. And we have a LLL meeting in the morning where Nadia will have some playmates. Then I'm taking a trip to Kohl's.. I got a 30% off peelie so I want to go hit up the clearance racks! woo hoo! Then I may even take the kiddos to the lake after lunch. Go go go! Like that book Nadia reads.. "Go Dog GO" Only my version is "Go Mommy.. GO!"

I'm hoping they will all be more cheerful tomorrow. Truly more for their sake than my own. I love them no matter what but I know I don't like very much to be in a bad mood and feeling out of sorts. So I imagine it's not very fun for them...

So. once they chaos calms. I will be back with something of substance to say.

Any suggestions? I'm thinking of an Adventures in Tandem Nursing post.. Or something along those lines.. :-)

PS- Still waiting on Samirah's petti/tutu and I'll def have an awesome photo shoot when I get it!

My carriers and my thoughts on them...

First up is my freehand Mei Tai. I love this thing! In this picture we have the Ergo Organic strap covers on. This MT is very affordable ( I think it was only 70 something dollars) and I LOVE to it. I reach for it often and I find it perfect for everyday use!




Here is me and Sami showing off a back carry in our Babyhawk Oh Snap. I just adjusted it quickly as Samirah is usually carried in it, so he isn't in it completely properly (I know I know, but the kids were freaking out to go to the beach so I had limited time to work with! LoL) This is my favorite SSC... I LOVE it. It's SO SO adjustable. Moreso than my Ergo, the straps are sleeker for a more comfortable fit and it's GREAT for long term wear. Hiking, long walks, etc.




Next up- My Wild Child Mei Tai! Okay, to be honest this is the first time I've tried this one... Umm.. IT'S AWESOME! I just looked online to see where I could get another one but I have a feeling this brand isn't made anymore. I bought it at thebabywearer.com forums and I'm not able to find another. I'm truly upset by this because it is SO super comfortable and well made. I love the high back on it that can be folded down, and it's just beautiful. It is great. Going to have to see if I can get another one. If anyone knows where I can find one, please let me know!





Here is my Babyhawk MT. It's really great quality (As every babyhawk product I've tried is) Super comfortable, durable, well made, and easy to use. I love this one. And isn't the girly print TDF?? I like the straps on this as they are the pretty much the same as the Oh Snap. Sleeker and more comfortable thank some other carriers. Still padded though. I'd reccommend this to anyone.


My trusty peanut shell sling! This served me well for so many years and I do still love it.. I've just branched out from here lol

I'm not really a wrapper, But the Moby is forgiving even for a beginner. I like it esp for small newborns, but honestly, don't really use it anymore.

My ergo! It's a good sturdy carrier that is super comfortable and great for long term wear. I like the hood it has and it has really good back support. It's my second favorite SSC behind the babyhawk. The only complaint I have is the big bulky straps!

(Forgive the picture quality- Nadia took them lol)

Birth Shouldn't Hurt.

**Let me preface this by saying I am NOT against c-sections. They can be life saving to Mother and baby and there are definitely situations where they are NECESSARY. Now. Onto the blog!

In our society we are taught that birth is painful, scary even. Look at movies, television, and even stories from women around us. It all portrays birth as a terrifying experience, with screaming, yelling, sweat dripping from your brow, even tears. This was not how I found my birth to be..

I studied hypnobirthing with my 3rd child. And immediately the philosophy made sense to me. The very basic theory in hypnobirthing is that it's our own fear that causes the pain in birth. I cannot put it as eloquently as the book, so if your interested, I suggested "Hypnobirthing: the Monegan Method , A natural approach to childbirth"

While I was reading that book it made a lot of sense to me. If you could not fear birth, but rather, embrace it, maybe it didn't have to hurt quite so much. And I related the information to the two births I had already experience. And I thought. You know... There may be something to this!!!

I think the fear that is instilled in us from various outlets leads a lot of women to want interventions... Pain medication, Epidurals, and even elective c-sections..

Birth is truly such a beautiful experience. And I look back on the 3 births I've experienced with fondness. Especially my waterbirth. I don't know if it was the water birth itself, the hypnobirthing, or the combination of the two. But it was absolutely serene. I won't say I felt no pain at all, but they were closer to sensations than HOLY CRAP OUCH!

It's an amazing thing to feel a child being born, to be able to reach down and feel their head crowning, and feel so accomplished by that. It's amazing. It can give you a high like no drug on earth can. (Okay, I haven't really tried any drugs... But I bet I'm right!)

Women need to take back their power. They need to KNOW they can do it. I get a lot of women who say "Wow! Your amazing for being able to do that!!" No! I'm NOT amazing! The only thing amazing about me is how very very ordinary I am. Trust me. If I can do it- Any woman can. We are women. Even if doctors, literature, and anything else tell us we do not know how to birth. We do. More importantly, our bodies do.

I feel every woman should be able to experience natural childbirth... And even more so- I feel every woman should want to..

Just another Day...

At the Shahin house!! Sami and Nadia woke up warring in my bed. Sami hit Nadia (A big no no) She hit back (Bigger no no) and she missed him and hit Samirah. (sighs) Bell rings, end round one!!!

I get everyone calmed down and we come downstairs for breakfast, all is fairly smooth until they begin fighting over pony backpack **ding ding ding** Round two!!! They begin tugging back and forth, yelling, crying on Sami's part.... *yoink* Mommy takes backpack **ding ding ding** end round two!!!

One of those days I suppose. Normally they get along wonderfully, but today they've been at each other like mad! I have a doctors appointment for my wrists later today. I've been having issues since Samirah has been born. It hurts to even hold a cup coffee.. And we all know I need my coffee.

Samirah is napping. Nadia and Sami are calm for the moment. I have them working on crafts. They both love crafts. Hopefully I make it through today in one piece! And hopefully they start to be a little more loving towards eachother!

Well crafts have ceased to keep them entertained and Sami is climbing into my lap to give me kisses!! At least it's kisses :-)
Im off!

Babywearing!

I need to get some better baby wearing photos... I'm always the one taking the pictures so it's not so easy lol. Maybe I'll have Nadia take some to show my other carriers..

I've really been feeling the babyhawk Love lately. I have an OH Snap and the babyhawk MT. (Mei Tai) I like the SSC (Soft structured carriers) For long term wear, and I like the Mei Tai's for everyday use. The SSC's are fast and easy to put on, but there is just something I love about the MT's... I don't know! I can't explain it!

I also have a freehand MT and a wild child MT. Both of which I like very much. I really want to get some pics of these different carriers so you can see them..

Do any of you babywear? What's your favorite carrier??

I've been thinking of trying a Boba...

Was just remembering

How gentle and awesome my waterbirth was :-)
Would you believe I was in transition and beginning to push in the first photo??

You can never be too careful...

When it comes to your kids.
Now. Many people in my life think I'm completely neurotic when it comes to my children. I've heard the word "overprotective" thrown around.. "overbearing" etc. etc. You get the point. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and worry. Worry about things that will probably never go wrong or be an issue, but still, I worry. I can't help it. I don't feel like I'm doing my job if I'm not worrying, or trying to keep them safe.

Seeing all these children on the news being snatched is horribly upsetting for me to see. It's SCARY to be quite honest. and it's another thing to add to my list of things I worry about. One reason I feel safest wearing my babies. They are hard to snatch when they are strapped to your chest.

There are kids Nadia's age in the neighborhood who are allowed to play outside alone. Nadia always asks if she can go. NO WAY. "But.." she says " ((insert name here)) can play outside by themselves" Me... "Well ((insert name here)) doesn't have me for a Mommy, I dont' let you go away from me" .. And I think to myself. Aren't those parents worried?? Aren't they afraid of something awful happening? Not just abductions but any other number of dangers that lurk. I don't know. Maybe I am neurotic.. But I dont' understand how kids that are 5, 6, 7 , 8, 9, 10 ... Even up to 16 or 17 are allowed out unsupervised. I know I know some won't agree with me there. But honestly I like to live by the motto "Better safe than sorry" I know accidents and bad things can happen when your RIGHT NEXT to your child. So why would I take a chance at letting them away from me?? I have a hard time even letting Nadia go to school. It's tough.

I wonder. Will I lighten up at any point? How do you feel?

Why Co-sleeping works for me.

Co-sleeping is one of those choices we made in the moment. When Nadia was a baby it was easy. I could nurse her, have her close, cuddle, snuggle, etc. All that good stuff. Husam liked it too. We enjoyed the closeness of having her near us..

I did the same with Sami, only he outgrew it much faster. He sleeps better in his own bed now, at age 2.. where, Nadia still sleeps with us at age 4.

Obviously Samirah is cosleeping as well as she's only 6 months.

There are so many perks to Co-sleeping that I honestly can't imagine not doing it. Number 1. The simple fact I get more sleep! Bwhahahaaha. There is no getting up to get a baby to nurse. THey were always / are always right there!!! I barely have to wake up at all which is awesome.

The closeness! For me, it feels super un-natural to have my children far from me. Even in a room over. It just feels wrong. I enjoy being able to have them right next to me so I can check on them and make sure they are alright. And of course for snuggling purposes! Who doesn't like that?!

Daddy bonding! Since I breastfeed, my husband doesn't get the "feeding" bonding time that some bottle fed babies get. (And we don't use bottles at all.- I don't even have any in the house believe it or not) So having them share our bed is a great way for Daddy to snuggle the kids. It's a wonderful thing. We are surrounded by our babies.

I always say "Our bed, like our hearts, Are full" It's wonderful.

Do you co-sleep???

Happy 4th of July... A little late.

So, I'm a little late with the 4th of July wishes! But I hope all of you out in blogland had a nice one. We had some swimming, some bbq's, some sun, some fireworks, and TONS of fun! Here is a picture of the kids in their festive outfits! (They dress festive for the holidays every year lol) Nadia and Samirah had matching dresses! My Mom found them , I was so excited lol

My Mom was up visiting from Florida too. So I was spending a ton of time with her. I'm sad she went back.. While she was here she bought us a season pass for the NJ state parks. And it's already paid for itself! I've been having a blast taking the kids! bbq'ing, swimming, building sand castles! It's been GREAT! I'm looking forward to lots of summer fun!! This week is going to be in the 90s so I'm going to try to get out early in the morning so we could be home by lunch!

Other than that, not too much going on. We're having a blast , enjoying Nadia while she is off of school. But keeping up with her lessons too. She has workbooks, and she likes to do her math especially. Her addition has really taken off.. And I"m not really a 100% sure where she learned it.. But man. She's GOOD! So she focuses on math these days. I let her work where her intrest mostly is.

Anyways. I'll think up a good blog to write soon. Just wanted to put out a general "life" update :-)

My Wonderful Husband.

I blog so much about my children I never get to blog about my awesome husband Husam! I met Husam when I had first turned 18. I'm 27 now! It's hard to believe 9 years have gone by.. But they have. Things aren't always perfect, and we've definitely had our share or hard times, but we've come out the other side. Closer than what we were before... I'd like to think.

Our friends had set us up. Thinking, since we were both Middle Eastern we'd have a lot in common! I thought this was a rather silly reason to set two people up, but I guess it really wasn't all that silly since I ended up marrying the guy...

I remember speaking to him on the phone for the first time. There were no awkward silences. He was so easy to talk to. It was like talking to an old friend whom I'd known my whole life. We hit it off pretty well over the phone so we had decided to meet up in person. (with our friends who had set us up of course "just in case")

We all went out for dinner and I thought he was just tops! I was completely enamored by him. I remember at the end of our first date, I turned to my best friend and I said "THAT is the man I'm going to marry" I truly believed it too. Everyone called me crazy.. But I did marry him. So I guess I wasn't as crazy as they thought.

We dated for nearly 3 years before we decided to get married. But we had talked about it so much it was just a natural step for us. We knew we wanted to share our lives together. Start a family together. The whole Sha-bang!

Our first year of marriage was fantastic, the second year (When I was pregnant with Nadia) was tough, and the year after as well.. I think he had a tough time adjusting into parenthood. It was definitely a difficult time for us and I wondered how we'd ever come out of it okay.

But we did. Six years of marriage later we are stronger than ever. He's my best friend. And I like to think I'm his. He tells me I am anyways. Our life does not revolve around outside friends. Neither of us really have many. We definitely don't go out with them. Our lives revolve around our little family.. He works so hard so I can stay home with our kids. Something we both feel strongly about. I don't think I tell him quite often enough how much I truly appreciate that.

We have our moments, trust me. But overall, there isn't any other person I can imagine being with in this life. He isn't perfect, but for all his imperfections there are many more things that make me love him like crazy. Even after all these years.

What Attachment Parenting means to me.

There are so many different aspects of Attachment Parenting.. A lot of the things I've done in Parenting were just things that came naturally to me..

When I was pregnant with my oldest, Nadia.. I knew I wanted to be the BEST Mom in the world , I wanted to be PERFECT!! (keep dreaming, right? ha ha )

When she was born and they handed her to me, it was instinct that told me to put her to the breast and nurse her. It wasn't as easy as I had imagined, but it still felt naturally for me to do so. It was instinct that made me want to hold her closely to me as much as possible. Do you know how many times I heard "You will spoil that baby if you don't put her down!!" Really?? Spoil a baby with love?

It was instinct for me to put her in my bed so I could watch over her. These things felt like the right thing to do. It wasn't something I had researched at length at the time.

As more children came along, and I learned more, and researched more I found out there were so many benefits to how I had been parenting. And how I could become an even better parent..
For me, I always thought it was normal what I was doing.. But talking to other Mom's I realized not everyone did those things. Some people felt more comfortable putting their child in a crib. I even came across some Moms who let their child cry it out. These ways of parenting were just not for me. I could never sit by while one of my kids cried. In fact, I still can't. It doesn't feel right.

So, for me, these practices came naturally to me. How about for you? Was it something you researched and learned about? Or was it just what you felt was the right things to do at the time?

Has breastfeeding effected my marriage?

So I've heard a lot of to-do lately about breastfeeding effecting a marriage negatively. Now, I have nursed all 3 of my kids. Still nursing my two youngest in fact. And I like to think I have a pretty strong marriage...

My husband and I have been together for 9 years. The very happiest years of my life for sure. So as I hear people suggesting that breastfeeding could be effecting us negatively I decided to take a step back and evaluate.

We have, like I mentioned, 3 beautiful children. I always new I'd breastfeed. I think if your REALLY going to do it, you have an idea going in that it's what you want. In fact I believe I heard at one of my LLL meetings that by the age of 16 a girl has a clear positive or negative view of nursing. I don't know where I got my view from since NO ONE in my family breastfed. I just knew it was best. And of course, I wanted to be the best Mom ever to my kids. So breastfeeding it was!

I remember Husam being very supportive when it came to nursing Nadia.. In his religion, breastfeeding is mandatory for at least 2 years. So he never batted an eye at all the boobin' co-sleeping, and baby wearing that was going on in our house.

True, for the past 4 and a half years there has been a child between us in our bed lol. But he's never complained to me. And we've obviously found a way to have more kids! lol Two fold! So I decided to ask him if he felt our marriage was being negatively effected by my breastfeeding. His answer? "Are you out of your mind? No way!" He went on to explain that watching me nurture and do what is without a doubt BEST for our kids, he's only fell in love with me more. I think we can both acknowledge our relationship is different than it was- say .. 6 years ago. But I think kids change that regardless. And I don't think it's a bad thing.

We both recognize this time is about raising our family in the best way we can. Sure, there are sacrifices. But we plan on being together for the rest of our lives! So these young years, when I'm needed SO much by them, are really a blink of an eye. And what husband wouldn't understand that? What marriage would really break under something so beautiful and wonderful??

So has breastfeeding destroyed our marriage? Put it on the rocks?? No way. Has it changed it?? Sure.. No more than having kids has though. And only for now. There will be a time when our kids grow up, move out of our home, and we will again be left with each other. Loving one and other much more than we did to begin with.

What about you? How do YOU feel breastfeeding has effected your marriage?

My baby...

Graduated Preschool today! I cried. I cried on the first day and again today on the last day. (Okay I cried the whole first week, but we don't have to tell anyone shh!) It didn't help that they were playing "You raise me up" over the loud speakers while we were waiting for pick up. I know I know, those of you who don't have kids are saying, "It's just preschool!!!" And I guess I could see that.. But for us, it's a BIG DEAL! It was the kickoff of what we hope to be an excellent school career for her! She loves school SO much and she's so upset that she won't be going all summer. And she is concerned how she'll practice her letters !! I assured her we'd work on them together here at home. I can't believe my BABY is going to Kindergarten. It's bittersweet really. It seems like not long ago, I was a nervous new Mom walking her up the walkway to our old apartment. I wanted to be the best Mom to her. I'd dress her up, and play with her, and take every moment enjoying her. Yet still. It went too fast. Where has my little baby gone? She's now a beautiful young girl. Dare I say gorgeous? With her contagious smile... Her long lashes, and beautiful hazel-ish eyes. She has a fantastic sense of humor, and is the sweetest little thing. My Baby Nadia. Momma loves you. To the moon, and back again. Your my entire life. You made me a mother. I love you. I'm proud of you. Your my world

xoxo Momma

Have you ever had one of *those* days?

So Samirah is getting a tooth .. WTH?! Nadia didn't get a tooth until over a year old.. Sami.. 8 months. Samirah JUST turned five months two days ago! I can't understand it! Anyways, she's been having a tough time with it. Skipping naps, lots of fussing, nursing ALL ...Night... LONG! I'm completely exhausted, but mostly, I feel bad for her...

Now laugh as I try to put together some coherent thoughts on such little sleep..

Sami? What's new with Sam? Lots of talking. Is this a good thing? or a bad thing? I haven't decided yet.

Nadia.. Almost out of school... She's upset, I'm excited. Looking forward to more time with her..

me? Tired. blah..
I have full intentions on writing a super fabulous blog about breastfeeding or natural birth.. or SOMETHING. Something amazing, and interesting and informative. I'll get there. One of these days when I've had more than 3 hours of sleep. I promise!

Today. Pray for my dear friend Courtney.

I ask everyone to pray for my dear friend Courtney, and her husband Jason. They've just had to say goodbye to their 3rd son Wyatt River. This world is unfair. And brutal. Completely Brutal. I ask, if you pray, to pray for them and their entire family.

Kids say the darndest things!

And here is a conversation between Nadia and I.

Nadia: Mom...

Me: Yes ya?

Nadia: I think you should reconsider having 3 kids...

Me: Why would you say that?

Nadia: Well... 3 kids is a lot to handle. It may be best to pick just one.. Probably me, Since I was first..

Me: Well wouldn't you be sad if you didn't have Sami and Samirah to play with?

Nadia: Well... I guess.. But one would be easier than 3 of us....

Me: Well. I couldn't pick just one of you....

Sami:::: DINOSAUR!!!!!!!!!

Guess I should update huh?

So I've enlisted the help of some pictures to update everyone on where I've been.. Hmmm. With the nice weather around we spend a lot of time at the park and on playdates! After an entire winter of being trapped inside, we were all anxious to get outside and enjoy the SUNSHINE! We even do a picnic lunch out on our deck most days. The kids love this.

There are Nadia and Sami's crafting projects! They love to do them. And I've found "The Christmas Tree Shops" has some very cute crafts that are really reasonable prices! Nadia's also been working on her reading and writing. She's doing beautifully, I'm so proud of her. Her determination to learn is amazing. She certainly got this from her father LOL. After consulting with Nadia's pediatrician they felt Nadia would do best in Kindergarten. (She misses the cutoff date) And she suggested we fight the school to get her early entrance. They had tested Nadia and found cognitively, she functioned at the level of a 6 year old. So putting her back in pre-k really became something that wasn't an option for her. The school pretended to entertain us, but really I think they had no intentions of even entertaining the idea. At any rate, we got our answer "no" and moved along to private schools. I spent much of the end of April looking for a school that would suit her. We found one not far from our home that we liked. So she's enrolled and ready to go to Kindergarten! Woo! And she gets to wear a cute little uniform! So what beats that!?

Ahh MOTHERS DAY! How fantastic was that? The kids ALL slept until 8. Which really is amazing because none of them have EVER done that in their entire lives! Let alone all 3 of them at once! It was a great treat.. Hubby got a serger for me from them which I was SUPER excited about!! (A serger is a type of sewing machine!) Nadia made me that beautiful pot you see above with the lovely flowers. It brought tears, I am not going to lie. lol. The poem was precious and my kids and husband made me feel very special and appreciated. It was a wonderful day!

Mrs Meerkitty! She's doing GREAT! 4 and a half months now! I can't believe it. She's so beautiful and I'm so head over heels in love with her! She is a fantastic little baby and ever so cute. I love being her Mom and I feel so lucky to hold that title! She's a great little nurser and growing wonderfully! I'm still nursing Sami too. The tandem Nursing is going fine. It can be tiresome on certain days, but I have always committed to doing what's best for them, and not for me! So I continue. And I wouldn't have it any other way. If I ever feel weary, all I need to do is look at their precious little faces, and that's all the encouragement I need to continue on with what I'm doing!

I had my hair cut! As you can see!!! It was WAY too long (Even thougH I love my long hair!) I really needed to part with it. Just too hard to maintain with so many children to take care of LOL. I went to my cousin's salon (pink comb salon) www.pinkcombsalon.com in Nutley NJ. And as you can see- She did an AWESOME job, evening out my color and giving me a bit of a style! IT's fantastic! I will definitely be going back to her in the future. Not that I didn't know my cousin was awesome, but my Mom is also a hair stylist so she is the only person who's ever really cut my hair. But she lives in Florida now so it really was about time to find someone else!

We are leaving on our first vacation of the year shortly. We're going to Ocean City Maryland for a week! Anyone familiar with the area? Any good tips of where I should hit up? The kids and my husband are SO looking forward to this!!! Which makes me excited as well. I really need to start on my list of things to pack for everyone since I'm the sole person in charge of this! It's a bit overwhelming. Esp to have to pack for an entire week! Our other vacation is in November. to Disney- The kids and I are SUPER excited for that one! Disney was my favorite place growing up! I used to go 1 or 2 times every year until I was 18!! And I hold such good memories from my trips there!

That's about all that's going on here. I will try and update more regularly!