Back and "Fourth"

Literally. I go back and forth constantly about adding a Fourth baby to the family... Most days I feel like I could handle it.. But as I've mentioned in previous posts I'll have one of those days and think that 4 would overwhelm me..

The thought of never being pregnant again, never giving birth, never having a newborn, or nursing, or watching another baby grow makes me incredibly sad. Almost unbearably sad... And I wonder if that alone means I truly do want another. Or if I'll feel that way no matter how many children I have. How does a person ever really know they are "done" anyways?

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE being pregnant. Even through morning sickness, aches, pain, lethargy, constipation. All of it. I LOVE pregnancy. The joy of the miracle outweighs any of the discomforts. It's such an amazing experience and I can't imagine not going through it at least one more time. At the same time.. I don't want to take away from the three beautiful babies I do have. They need me so much and sometimes I Think it wouldn't be fair to add an addition and take away some of their attention.

I do try to make sure they all have individual time with me everyday- and I have a good system worked out for us. *sighs* I don't know. I suppose I have plenty of time to decide this. That's what Husam tells me. I'm only 27 and Samirah is only 11 months.

Just venting out some feelings!