Midwives vs. OB's

This post has been a long time in the making... I've had it in my head for some time, and have really wanted to share my experiences with OB's Vs. Midwives.

Two different OB's delivered my first two children, and a group of midwives delivered my last two. The differences are really poignant. I wouldn't call the differences subtle or slight at all. Night and Day is what I'd use to describe them.. Even with the best OB in the world, you aren't going to get the experience you will get with a midwife. Just isn't going to happen.

First , your appointments, Midwives (At least mine) set up appointments to really be able to put in the time with you. I've never spent less than an hour WITH my midwives (And not sitting in their waiting room either- actually WITH them!) Their office is so much more family friendly than any OB I've EVER been to (Including the ones I delivered my first two children with) The atmosphere is laid back, comfortable , and relaxed, and for someone with as much "white coat anxiety" as myself- this is a great thing. I never feel like my children shouldn't be touching something, or are bothering anyone because a midwives office is TRULY a place for mothers. A place for children, a WELCOMING place!!!!! Instead of uniformed office seating, there are comfy couches with pillows and bright colors! And the "exam" rooms themselves if you want to call them that are filled with day beds, bright colors, and beautiful decor (And a special toy box in each room for the kiddos) My oldest daughter asked the first time we went if it was a hotel! The doulas on staff often watched my older children for me while I met with my midwives.. What an awesome service is that?! For free! And my kids love them. As do I!

The visit itself is filled with chat about how your doing, anything going on, and tons and tons and TONS of information. not a "Do this" scenario at ALL. My midwives became friends over the years. They KNOW me. I'm not a number, I'm not another patient, They know ME. I can't say the same as my OB's I dealt with. And the first OB was very nice actually. But they way their schedules are set up,they can't offer this type of care and time.

I like the fact I'm in charge of my own care with my Midwives, taking my own weight and testing my own urine at appointments, It's nice to have control. Anything that is done (or not done) is completely up to me. I make ALL the decisions. I call all the shots. After all... My pregnancy. My baby. My choice. I wish more Doctors would follow suit on this.

Birth plans!!! Ahh the wonderful birth plan. It can be an awesome guide for how you want your birth to go! My OB's never suggested I make one, never asked me how I wanted things to go during my birth, and therefore, should I take that as they didn't really care? They had a picture in THEIR head how my birth would go, and I found myself FIGHTING the entire time during labor and delivery for what I wanted. It shouldn't have been that way.
My Midwives took the time to go over my birth plan with me. Not only discussing it, but committing to memory what I wanted and keeping a hard copy in my file so at the time, they would know any details I wouldn't be able to discuss , or had we forgotten anything. They KNEW what kind of birth I was wanting down to the last detail therefore , they were more able to readily support me in the birth I wanted. I think if doctors don't take the time to know what a patient wants from their birth it becomes impossible to assist them in it, Because that it what they SHOULD be doing, assisting, not dictating. Unfortunately too many OB's become dictators to our births. It's not fair. It's robbery. They are taking something so important from us. The power. The power we have as women is being stolen! As women we should all be angry about this!!!!! Your power is being stolen ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take it BACK!

During the labor and delivery your midwives stay with you pretty much the entire time. I think we all know OB's will check on you every now and then, but really they are just there to deliver the baby. Your midwife does not abandon you in this way. They stay with you, give you compassion, love, and respect. I remember while in labor with my third child, sitting in the birthing tub, hearing my midwives calming voice. She was speaking loving, supportive words to me, and she was there. She was present. I can't say that about my OB's. I can't at all. It's such a human experience. Such a beautiful experience.

After care... Gosh totally different than what my OB's did. See ya in six weeks, call with any questions, don't let the door hit ya in the you know where. My midwives were constantly checking in... For my home birth she returned the next day... And the day after, we talked, laughed and she made sure I was fine, with both of my kids delivered with my midwives they called in the week... and two weeks following. Making sure I was okay, how was I feeling.. No PPD was popping up, etc. And just to chat. They called me personally. No assistants, staff, or nurses. THEY cared how I was doing!!!! And of course the six week visit, a time to laugh, oooh and ahhh over the new baby and catch up....

So different. Of course, as women, we all must have that right to decide whats' best for us, but... Unless your high risk... After knowing all the facts... I can't see why anyone would choose an OB over a Midwife...

But maybe that's just crazy ol' me ;-)

ETA- Midwives are also MUCH more supportive than OB's when it comes to breastfeeding. I nursed all my children (Am still nursing) well into toddlerhood. If it were up to either of my OB's I'd have failed miserably. One admitted she knows nothing about nursing and would never have nursed had she had children , and the other told me my body was failing me, which was NOT true!! They never supported my nursing through pregnancy, or tandem nursing. My midwives were behind me 100% on both fronts.. I think it's an important topic to share.. See what I get for writing this the Monday after day light savings!? More coffee please!

Don't you think it's time he weaned?

I've been hearing this more than ever lately! Sami turns 3 in April and yes, I still breastfeed him!! So many people think it is their right to tell me I should be stopping. I love how these same people think breastfeeding is such a "private" thing that it should be hidden away and locked up behind bathroom doors. *rolls eyes* Yet, these same people think it's fine to interject their opinions on my nursing relationships with my children.

Now, I'd be lying if I told you I never wished he'd wean. He IS almost three, and.. Have you seen the size of my kids head? It's like a grown man nursing! ha ha. okay, not really , but you catch my drift! Three years is a long time to nurse a kid. But there is nothing "wrong" about it.. And when people criticize the fact that he still nurses, it implies there is something wrong with it. And that isn't fair. Most people wouldn't dream of criticizing many mainstream parenting choices. But anything that goes outside of the norm is "weird" or "wrong".. Yet.. If these people took a moment to do some research they'd realize it's just our country that is out of the norm. It's us as a whole who is wrong.

I try not to get defensive when someone tells me I should wean my son... I try to use it as an opportunity to educate. To let people know the benefits of extended breastfeeding. To let them know it's okay. I'm not harming myself or my child. I've built a bond between us that can never be broken. I hope I've done that for all of my children, and will continue to do so with gentle parenting. With making educated choices for them and myself. Not doing something because a doctor tells me I should, but because I researched it and I feel like it's best for them. I am their mother after all... Right? Isn't there truth to the saying "Mother knows best". I think there is. Especially a mother such as myself who has armed herself with as much knowledge as possible from as many resources as possible!

Tandem nursing Mothers and mothers nursing toddlers shouldn't be made to feel they have to hide.... They should be celebrated. Applauded. Because I promise you. Extended nursing and tandem nursing is NOT easy. It has days where it's overwhelming and frustrating. So instead of criticizing us... Give us a pat on the back. Because I can guarantee it would be greatly appreciated! After all... We really are just doing our best!

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

http://www.promom.org/101/

Great article- 101 reasons to breastfeed.... I only need this one though. My beautiful children!!!
What's your #1 reason for breastfeeding?

Has breastfeeding effected my marriage?

So I've heard a lot of to-do lately about breastfeeding effecting a marriage negatively. Now, I have nursed all 3 of my kids. Still nursing my two youngest in fact. And I like to think I have a pretty strong marriage...

My husband and I have been together for 9 years. The very happiest years of my life for sure. So as I hear people suggesting that breastfeeding could be effecting us negatively I decided to take a step back and evaluate.

We have, like I mentioned, 3 beautiful children. I always new I'd breastfeed. I think if your REALLY going to do it, you have an idea going in that it's what you want. In fact I believe I heard at one of my LLL meetings that by the age of 16 a girl has a clear positive or negative view of nursing. I don't know where I got my view from since NO ONE in my family breastfed. I just knew it was best. And of course, I wanted to be the best Mom ever to my kids. So breastfeeding it was!

I remember Husam being very supportive when it came to nursing Nadia.. In his religion, breastfeeding is mandatory for at least 2 years. So he never batted an eye at all the boobin' co-sleeping, and baby wearing that was going on in our house.

True, for the past 4 and a half years there has been a child between us in our bed lol. But he's never complained to me. And we've obviously found a way to have more kids! lol Two fold! So I decided to ask him if he felt our marriage was being negatively effected by my breastfeeding. His answer? "Are you out of your mind? No way!" He went on to explain that watching me nurture and do what is without a doubt BEST for our kids, he's only fell in love with me more. I think we can both acknowledge our relationship is different than it was- say .. 6 years ago. But I think kids change that regardless. And I don't think it's a bad thing.

We both recognize this time is about raising our family in the best way we can. Sure, there are sacrifices. But we plan on being together for the rest of our lives! So these young years, when I'm needed SO much by them, are really a blink of an eye. And what husband wouldn't understand that? What marriage would really break under something so beautiful and wonderful??

So has breastfeeding destroyed our marriage? Put it on the rocks?? No way. Has it changed it?? Sure.. No more than having kids has though. And only for now. There will be a time when our kids grow up, move out of our home, and we will again be left with each other. Loving one and other much more than we did to begin with.

What about you? How do YOU feel breastfeeding has effected your marriage?

Guess I should update huh?

So I've enlisted the help of some pictures to update everyone on where I've been.. Hmmm. With the nice weather around we spend a lot of time at the park and on playdates! After an entire winter of being trapped inside, we were all anxious to get outside and enjoy the SUNSHINE! We even do a picnic lunch out on our deck most days. The kids love this.

There are Nadia and Sami's crafting projects! They love to do them. And I've found "The Christmas Tree Shops" has some very cute crafts that are really reasonable prices! Nadia's also been working on her reading and writing. She's doing beautifully, I'm so proud of her. Her determination to learn is amazing. She certainly got this from her father LOL. After consulting with Nadia's pediatrician they felt Nadia would do best in Kindergarten. (She misses the cutoff date) And she suggested we fight the school to get her early entrance. They had tested Nadia and found cognitively, she functioned at the level of a 6 year old. So putting her back in pre-k really became something that wasn't an option for her. The school pretended to entertain us, but really I think they had no intentions of even entertaining the idea. At any rate, we got our answer "no" and moved along to private schools. I spent much of the end of April looking for a school that would suit her. We found one not far from our home that we liked. So she's enrolled and ready to go to Kindergarten! Woo! And she gets to wear a cute little uniform! So what beats that!?

Ahh MOTHERS DAY! How fantastic was that? The kids ALL slept until 8. Which really is amazing because none of them have EVER done that in their entire lives! Let alone all 3 of them at once! It was a great treat.. Hubby got a serger for me from them which I was SUPER excited about!! (A serger is a type of sewing machine!) Nadia made me that beautiful pot you see above with the lovely flowers. It brought tears, I am not going to lie. lol. The poem was precious and my kids and husband made me feel very special and appreciated. It was a wonderful day!

Mrs Meerkitty! She's doing GREAT! 4 and a half months now! I can't believe it. She's so beautiful and I'm so head over heels in love with her! She is a fantastic little baby and ever so cute. I love being her Mom and I feel so lucky to hold that title! She's a great little nurser and growing wonderfully! I'm still nursing Sami too. The tandem Nursing is going fine. It can be tiresome on certain days, but I have always committed to doing what's best for them, and not for me! So I continue. And I wouldn't have it any other way. If I ever feel weary, all I need to do is look at their precious little faces, and that's all the encouragement I need to continue on with what I'm doing!

I had my hair cut! As you can see!!! It was WAY too long (Even thougH I love my long hair!) I really needed to part with it. Just too hard to maintain with so many children to take care of LOL. I went to my cousin's salon (pink comb salon) www.pinkcombsalon.com in Nutley NJ. And as you can see- She did an AWESOME job, evening out my color and giving me a bit of a style! IT's fantastic! I will definitely be going back to her in the future. Not that I didn't know my cousin was awesome, but my Mom is also a hair stylist so she is the only person who's ever really cut my hair. But she lives in Florida now so it really was about time to find someone else!

We are leaving on our first vacation of the year shortly. We're going to Ocean City Maryland for a week! Anyone familiar with the area? Any good tips of where I should hit up? The kids and my husband are SO looking forward to this!!! Which makes me excited as well. I really need to start on my list of things to pack for everyone since I'm the sole person in charge of this! It's a bit overwhelming. Esp to have to pack for an entire week! Our other vacation is in November. to Disney- The kids and I are SUPER excited for that one! Disney was my favorite place growing up! I used to go 1 or 2 times every year until I was 18!! And I hold such good memories from my trips there!

That's about all that's going on here. I will try and update more regularly!

So I was asked today...

Not just today actually... Lately a lot of people have been asking Husam and I if we're "done" having kids... I can't answer yes or no. I don't know. I thought for SURE after Samirah that was it for us. But neither of us can say with any certainty that we are done...
For one. I LOVE being pregnant. Despite the severe morning sickness lol. With Nadia I only had morning sickness from 6 to 10 weeks. I threw up maybe 10 times a day though. It was TERRIBLE I could barely keep anything down at all. But my boss at the time said what a happy pregnant woman I was despite constantly barfing my brains out. And he was right_ I was absoloutely glowing. Inside and out. I loved every moment of her pregnancy! I worked 50-60 hours a week right up until I had her. My last day of work was that Friday and I went into labor that Sunday. And I would have been at work Monday had I not gone into labor LOLMy pregnancy with Sami was wonderful as well. I now had my little toddler keeping me busy at home but I was able to rest more not running to and from work and being busy with that. Granted I had Nadia to care for and the house and Husam. But I could lie down on the couch for a few minutes if I needed to! I had morning sickness with Sami for five SOLID months. I threw up at least twice a day. Everyday. LoL It was definitely trying at moments! I remember leaning over the toilet throwing up and Nadia coming in and pulling back my hair telling me "It's okay mommy, I will take care of you" LoL. That always made me smile. My little care taker Nadia. The end of Sami's pregnancy was trying. He was a very big boy! 8lbs 10 oz at birth! And that gave me some back/pelvic/hip issues. but I still loved being pregnant!!!
Samirah's pregnancy went so fast! I had morning sickness for five months with her too, but I would only throw up maybe once a day, and I'd even get a day here and there where I didn't throw up at all!! Her pregnancy went very smoothly after that though! Until the fall down the stairs that injured my tailbone I was in constant pain after that- Esp having to chase after Sami and Nadia!! Samirah was also a bigger baby (8lbs 3 oz at birth) But believe it or not despite all that I still LOVED being pregnant with her!!!!!!!!!!So for me to say - Yes I'm done.. It just wouldn't make sense. I LOVE being a Mother. I LOVE being pregnant. Heck- I even LOVE giving birth!!! All of these things have been some of the most AMAZING experiences of my LIFE!!! I can't say for sure that I'm done. That I will close that book. I just can't. If Samirah is it, I'm blessed, and happy with my family. But if God decides to throw another blessing our way, I would feel truly happy about that as well!!
So. Everything else is going well. Mrs Meerkat is a champion nurser and Sami has become a little better about sharing the Nur with his sister lol.. Tandem nursing is fine for us. It really works out. Sami knows that he still can so he asks less. On a usual day he only nurses 3 times now. But he certainly has days where he is upset or just "off" and he nurses more often. I am lucky to be very supported by my husband about the Tandem nursing because I know everyone doesn't understand it. *Including most of our family* But I've never been one to let others dictate what is best for my children lol.
We had a fabulous photoshoot for Samirah!!! I did the photoshoot myself. But I really love how the pics came out!!! I'm going to share them with you all! I also have pictures of Sami's new Race Car bed that his father and I bought him for his 2nd birthday! (Not until April 11th but he was climbing out of his crib so we had to get it now!)There is my update!! I just want to share the pictures!

My Kiddos and my Awesome cuz!!

Sami and his race car bed!!! His big sissy was also excited for him! My kids are so good to each other!! (Most of the time! lol)

Still working...

On getting my birth story from Samirah written up.. It's slow going around here lately with lots and lots going on!!

However- There is another subject that is near and dear to my heart that I'd like to blog about! BREASTFEEDING! WOo! Who else besides me could be so passionate about the subject? It's my dream to become a lactation consultant when I'm done having children and they are all grown.. I will get there one day! Right now my most important place is in the home. But I do everything I can for breastfeeding advocacy. I'm a paid up member of LLL and I attend meetings regularly .. I've found a lot of support there where others have turned me away. Such as my doctors. I really feel the medical community fails us as women in this area.. Not only this area... But especially this area.. (As well as the big to do they make about giving birth which is a natural thing) That's a whole other blog though!!

I currently nurse my 22 month old son and my 1 month old daughter. I fully believe on nursing until 2 years (The WHO's reccomendation) and as long after that as mother and child mutually desire. There are so many health benefits to mother and child why WOULDN'T you nurse?!?!?! Cancer risks reduced in mother and child, fewer ear infections (My first little one just had her first ear infection and she's 4!!) There are so many health benefits the list could go on and on- But you could google that and see over and over again breast is undisputed the best for every baby.

When I got pregnant with Samirah there wasn't a doubt in my mind I'd continue to nurse Sami.. Her pregnancy was my first "surprise" I never got a period back so I assumed my fertility hadn't returned. But 1 month after Sami turned 1 I had feelings that I could be pregnant _ And I was :-D A wonderful surprise- But I was commited to continuing to nurse Sami. For the first 5 months of my pregnancy it was easy and FINE! No problems. Around 6 months I was bigger, more tired, and more sensitive and it got tougher. But I promised myself and him I would carry on.. Now.. IT was at one of my LLL meetings another mother suggested setting boundries when I expressed how exhausted I was and sometimes I just wanted to say NO but felt so guilty. Setting boundries allowed me to continue nursing all the way to delivery day!!

I nursed Sami before I went to the hospital. I was having contractions and I knew that was "it" ..I went to the hospital THursday night after I nursed Sami and put him to bed for the night. Samirah was born Friday morning at 2:15 am. I missed Sami so bad and I felt awful leaving him all day Friday without me. It was the first time we were ever apart. So first thing Saturday morning I asked my midwife to discharge me a day early. I had a completely natural water birth so of course there were no problems with me going home early which was wonderful.

I anticipated seeing Sam the whole drive home! He was waiting at the window for me and I could see his excitement! I walked through the door and we hugged and we were both thinking the same thing "NUR NUR MA!" he said. I said you betcha! We sat right there on the living room floor and nursed!!

Now I have an awesome nursing relationship going on.. It can be tiring at times.. But are my kids worth it?? You bet!!!!

What are YOUR thoughts on the subject of extended and/or tandem nursing?

"I need a break"

So I was reading through posts on cafemom today.. Mainly in my Breastfeeding Group.. And I see yet another "this kid is always attached to me I really want to quit nursing so I can have some time to myself" type of post.. And I just can't answer them.. I don't get it. Am I the only Mom who totally loves having my kids always with me!?!? I mean .. Sami is nearly 2.. And the first time we spent apart is when I was in the hospital giving birth to his sister. I always LOVE using breastfeeding as an excuse to not leave my kids anywhere! It works wonders!! "Sorry.. can't leave them with you- What if they have to nurse?!"

So I'm always taken aback when I read these posts of Mom's who so desprately want to be away from thier babies for a bit or they feel like they will lose thier minds.. I don't know. It makes me kind of sad. I'm a very attached parent. Which doesn't mean my kids don't get on my nerves every now and then. But I feel locking myself in the bathroom for a few minutes does the trick to bring me back down. I hate the idea of them being away from me!!! Nadia, who is 4 sometimes spends a few hours out shopping with my Dad.. Because, you know, me and Daddy aren't as "fun" and I always miss her! I'm like.. Man! I wish Nadia was here with us! It feels totally UNATURAL for me to be seperated for my kids. I swear! Even going in the shower without oNE of them feels totally strange and foreign to me. I don't know if it's the quiet of it.. I don't know..

Maybe I"m the oddball? I just thought it was a natural mothering instinct to constantly want to be near your kids. Hmph. Thank goodness I have an understanding hubby- becase, as you can imagine we haven't been on a date in years. *sighs* he'll get a chance one of these days :-P

Spreading myself thin.

So I still have 3 sick kids on my hands.. As well as being sick myself.. Although the older two are definitely a lot better and on the mend for sure.

You know when your sick.. And you just want your Mom?? Or is that just me? I know when I don't feel good all I can think is.. "I want my Mom" Well. I have 3 sickies who all, like me, want Mom when they don't feel well. So I've been spreading myself kind of thin trying to make sure they are all spoiled and comforted.. Nadia and Samirah co-sleep so they have me all night. In fact I was so bothered by Samirah's cough last night she slept in my arms all night.. Needless to say I didn't sleep much.

I do credit breastfeeding for making this illness less severe in the younger two... Im thankful for that.

Sami and Nadia are back to their old antics. Nadia kicked him twice today. I don't know what has gotten into her! She got sent to her room both times. I was highly irritated. We have a "no hit" policy in our home. Meaning NO ONE uses physical violence. I don't spank the kids and neither does Husam. So I don't know where she gets this mean streak from!! It's been fairly recent. I'll admit, Sami can be a pretty annoying little brother.. But he still doesn't deserve kicks! (well... maybe at times he does. But I sitll can't tolerate that type of thing)

Sami is standing on the arm of the sofa and jumping into the cushions.. I hate when he does these types of things. But he is all boy, and there is no stopping him. *sighs* At least I know he's feeling better.

So that's it. I'm still waiting for the sickies to be-gone.

I would like to do a blog on that show "Teen Mom" and "16 and pregnant" on MTV.. It will probablyhave to wait until I and the kids are better though... I have a lot to say on the subject... Stay tuned!