Midwives vs. OB's

This post has been a long time in the making... I've had it in my head for some time, and have really wanted to share my experiences with OB's Vs. Midwives.

Two different OB's delivered my first two children, and a group of midwives delivered my last two. The differences are really poignant. I wouldn't call the differences subtle or slight at all. Night and Day is what I'd use to describe them.. Even with the best OB in the world, you aren't going to get the experience you will get with a midwife. Just isn't going to happen.

First , your appointments, Midwives (At least mine) set up appointments to really be able to put in the time with you. I've never spent less than an hour WITH my midwives (And not sitting in their waiting room either- actually WITH them!) Their office is so much more family friendly than any OB I've EVER been to (Including the ones I delivered my first two children with) The atmosphere is laid back, comfortable , and relaxed, and for someone with as much "white coat anxiety" as myself- this is a great thing. I never feel like my children shouldn't be touching something, or are bothering anyone because a midwives office is TRULY a place for mothers. A place for children, a WELCOMING place!!!!! Instead of uniformed office seating, there are comfy couches with pillows and bright colors! And the "exam" rooms themselves if you want to call them that are filled with day beds, bright colors, and beautiful decor (And a special toy box in each room for the kiddos) My oldest daughter asked the first time we went if it was a hotel! The doulas on staff often watched my older children for me while I met with my midwives.. What an awesome service is that?! For free! And my kids love them. As do I!

The visit itself is filled with chat about how your doing, anything going on, and tons and tons and TONS of information. not a "Do this" scenario at ALL. My midwives became friends over the years. They KNOW me. I'm not a number, I'm not another patient, They know ME. I can't say the same as my OB's I dealt with. And the first OB was very nice actually. But they way their schedules are set up,they can't offer this type of care and time.

I like the fact I'm in charge of my own care with my Midwives, taking my own weight and testing my own urine at appointments, It's nice to have control. Anything that is done (or not done) is completely up to me. I make ALL the decisions. I call all the shots. After all... My pregnancy. My baby. My choice. I wish more Doctors would follow suit on this.

Birth plans!!! Ahh the wonderful birth plan. It can be an awesome guide for how you want your birth to go! My OB's never suggested I make one, never asked me how I wanted things to go during my birth, and therefore, should I take that as they didn't really care? They had a picture in THEIR head how my birth would go, and I found myself FIGHTING the entire time during labor and delivery for what I wanted. It shouldn't have been that way.
My Midwives took the time to go over my birth plan with me. Not only discussing it, but committing to memory what I wanted and keeping a hard copy in my file so at the time, they would know any details I wouldn't be able to discuss , or had we forgotten anything. They KNEW what kind of birth I was wanting down to the last detail therefore , they were more able to readily support me in the birth I wanted. I think if doctors don't take the time to know what a patient wants from their birth it becomes impossible to assist them in it, Because that it what they SHOULD be doing, assisting, not dictating. Unfortunately too many OB's become dictators to our births. It's not fair. It's robbery. They are taking something so important from us. The power. The power we have as women is being stolen! As women we should all be angry about this!!!!! Your power is being stolen ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take it BACK!

During the labor and delivery your midwives stay with you pretty much the entire time. I think we all know OB's will check on you every now and then, but really they are just there to deliver the baby. Your midwife does not abandon you in this way. They stay with you, give you compassion, love, and respect. I remember while in labor with my third child, sitting in the birthing tub, hearing my midwives calming voice. She was speaking loving, supportive words to me, and she was there. She was present. I can't say that about my OB's. I can't at all. It's such a human experience. Such a beautiful experience.

After care... Gosh totally different than what my OB's did. See ya in six weeks, call with any questions, don't let the door hit ya in the you know where. My midwives were constantly checking in... For my home birth she returned the next day... And the day after, we talked, laughed and she made sure I was fine, with both of my kids delivered with my midwives they called in the week... and two weeks following. Making sure I was okay, how was I feeling.. No PPD was popping up, etc. And just to chat. They called me personally. No assistants, staff, or nurses. THEY cared how I was doing!!!! And of course the six week visit, a time to laugh, oooh and ahhh over the new baby and catch up....

So different. Of course, as women, we all must have that right to decide whats' best for us, but... Unless your high risk... After knowing all the facts... I can't see why anyone would choose an OB over a Midwife...

But maybe that's just crazy ol' me ;-)

ETA- Midwives are also MUCH more supportive than OB's when it comes to breastfeeding. I nursed all my children (Am still nursing) well into toddlerhood. If it were up to either of my OB's I'd have failed miserably. One admitted she knows nothing about nursing and would never have nursed had she had children , and the other told me my body was failing me, which was NOT true!! They never supported my nursing through pregnancy, or tandem nursing. My midwives were behind me 100% on both fronts.. I think it's an important topic to share.. See what I get for writing this the Monday after day light savings!? More coffee please!

Don't you think it's time he weaned?

I've been hearing this more than ever lately! Sami turns 3 in April and yes, I still breastfeed him!! So many people think it is their right to tell me I should be stopping. I love how these same people think breastfeeding is such a "private" thing that it should be hidden away and locked up behind bathroom doors. *rolls eyes* Yet, these same people think it's fine to interject their opinions on my nursing relationships with my children.

Now, I'd be lying if I told you I never wished he'd wean. He IS almost three, and.. Have you seen the size of my kids head? It's like a grown man nursing! ha ha. okay, not really , but you catch my drift! Three years is a long time to nurse a kid. But there is nothing "wrong" about it.. And when people criticize the fact that he still nurses, it implies there is something wrong with it. And that isn't fair. Most people wouldn't dream of criticizing many mainstream parenting choices. But anything that goes outside of the norm is "weird" or "wrong".. Yet.. If these people took a moment to do some research they'd realize it's just our country that is out of the norm. It's us as a whole who is wrong.

I try not to get defensive when someone tells me I should wean my son... I try to use it as an opportunity to educate. To let people know the benefits of extended breastfeeding. To let them know it's okay. I'm not harming myself or my child. I've built a bond between us that can never be broken. I hope I've done that for all of my children, and will continue to do so with gentle parenting. With making educated choices for them and myself. Not doing something because a doctor tells me I should, but because I researched it and I feel like it's best for them. I am their mother after all... Right? Isn't there truth to the saying "Mother knows best". I think there is. Especially a mother such as myself who has armed herself with as much knowledge as possible from as many resources as possible!

Tandem nursing Mothers and mothers nursing toddlers shouldn't be made to feel they have to hide.... They should be celebrated. Applauded. Because I promise you. Extended nursing and tandem nursing is NOT easy. It has days where it's overwhelming and frustrating. So instead of criticizing us... Give us a pat on the back. Because I can guarantee it would be greatly appreciated! After all... We really are just doing our best!